confessions of an experienced therapist

Below are some therapist confessions that come from my experience in the mental health field.

1. I don't know everything about every mental health concern. The more I learn, the more I realize how much I don't know, and that's okay.

2. Symptoms of imposter syndrome can still arise even after many years. This doesn't mean I'm a bad therapist. I confront it and keep moving forward. Some days are easier than others. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is helpful. Who would have thought!?

3. The more experience I gain in the field, the more I recognize the importance of the mindfulness concept of having a beginner's mind. Nobody likes an armchair expert. Trying to see things with a fresh perspective, like a child experiencing something for the very first time, can be challenging but not impossible. A beginner's mind also helps to connect with those I work with in the therapy room or virtually.

4. Self-compassion is much more important to me now than when I started in the field. 

5. I've joined with someone in therapy who later died by suicide. 

I wasn't ready for the guilt, shame, and regret that surfaced afterwards. I learned as a therapist that grief can come in many forms - working with someone professionally who may die of natural causes or something unexpected. Grief for ending a therapeutic relationship that has wrapped up successfully or prematurely due to unforeseen circumstances (client moving, dropping out without notice, etc). Loss comes in many forms. Like in real life, grief work will no doubt be done in one way or another if you are in this field long enough.

6. A university master's in counselling will teach many things, yet doesn't teach how to build a relationship with a person in real-time. 

Yes, suggestions will be given, but this will happen as the therapeutic relationship unfolds. I didn't get along amazingly with every person I've worked with, and that's ok. I've learned there's a difference between acceptance, empathy, and respect and needing to like someone for those factors above to be present (FYI - liking someone isn't a prerequisite.). Of course, it's different if not feeling safe with someone. I've also learned I can focus on the qualities of someone I do like and not paint someone with that one frustrating trait.

7. I wish I had trained in certain therapy modalities earlier in my career. I look back at cases where I could have helped someone a lot more (e.g., EMDR or ART). 

I can't focus on this and be stuck in the past. It is what it is - I accept it but those desires for what could have been still crop up - apparently, I'm human. I hope they found the solace after me that they needed. 

8. I cannot save someone from a choice beyond my control, and this goes back to number five on the list.

9. I've learned the impact I have on someone I may never know fully. That's for them and if I find out, great. If not, then I can rest assured knowing I did the best I could at the time I walked with them. 

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